Dream On.

Thinking.

I’m not sure what’s going on with me at the moment. Things around me seem sort of hazy. I feel like I’m walking around in a dream, though I’m pretty sure it’s reality. My mind’s floating a lot and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing. Time feels like it just flies by. My life itself feels like it’s flying by.

It started this way after I reverted. I’ve already said so…but I’m not sure that this is something good. Not sure it’s something bad either. It’s just something that’s happening.

There’s one thing good about this though.

I’m thinking. People think on a daily basis, yes. But I end up pondering more on things that are in the world around me. Things that are related to my interests. Things that are a part of my experiences…

I end up reflecting on them and thinking again.

I guess it means I’m going back to being more introverted.

That’s not bad. I’ve actually been a bit thrown off that I haven’t been reflecting and pondering on things. Conversations become less interesting. Blog posts disappear. I end up just going with shallow topics. So maybe this is something good.

Well, in any case, it’s just something interesting to me.

This floating and this constant pondering and thinking were normal for me before I changed. I never said anything about it before though as I was afraid to let people into my head.

Right now…a touch of extroversion allowed me to voice out my thoughts…though with returning to my introversion, I can think before I speak.

I guess that this is something good then as right now…I’m not paralyzed to speak and lose my chance at allowing my voice to sound…but at least, I think about things before I say anything so as to make my message clear for no misunderstandings to arise.

I still have a long way to go though. After all…I still have that tendency to shoot my mouth off and I probably hurt someone in the process.

All I can do though is say sorry, try and make amends and then develop.

Three steps to getting better.

Three steps to learning.

All from thinking.

So lovely.

‘Til next.

Allaynia

Pretty.

It’s funny how fads go…

People see something pretty or beautiful or hot or whatever…and then they get dazzled by it to the point of spreading it around. Then soon, some people copy it. Some people try to embody the beauty that they see before them…

And that’s what I usually see now with the trends in Korean fashion.

Well, at least, around the Philippines.

There are so many cute Korean girls around here now. Their fashion is cute. Their appearances are cute. And so on. A K-Pop wave has arrived and has made their cuteness and fashion even more known. Now, more and more people want to ride that wave of Korean cuteness…

Then again, whenever I see the pictures of the cuteness…I remind myself that it doesn’t suit everyone. One style doesn’t fit all. Especially since everyone is unique. There are some things that suit one person and yet doesn’t suit another.

Koreans in the pictures I’ve seen have several defining traits.

• They have fair skin tones.
• They have big eyes.
• They have long and wavy hair.
• They wear pastel colors.
• They have a really cutesy and girly fashion.

Though I find that they’re everything that I’m not.

• I have a darker skin tone as I’m more morena (a typical term used by the Spanish and Filipinos for people who have a darker skin tone or more tanned skin tone, though not black) by default. I don’t mind though. I like my skin color as it’s a part of me.
• I don’t have big eyes. Or at least, not as big as them. I don’t want to have that sort of thing anyway. I do believe that I have nice eyes though. At least, a nice eye shape. If they’re anything more than that, I leave it for others to decide.
• I’ve recently started to dislike long hair. Or at least, on me. I can admit and admire when it’s on other people if they like it so much. But as for me, I left mine to grow for too long and started to really dislike having to manage it. It doesn’t suit me. I don’t like wavy hair either. Again, at least on me. I had fluffy hair a long time ago and I don’t think it’d suit my image or face at all. It’s too… extravagant and whatever. Then again, on others, it looks glamorous. I might try it someday on me for glamour’s sake. But then again…I like my simple mid-length straight dark brown hair. It makes me feel nice. It makes me feel beautiful. And I know it suits me well.
• Pastels are something that not everyone can wear, I think. My tanned skin makes me feel like I can’t wear pastels. I don’t think that it’ll look horrible on me…but I just think that it doesn’t suit me as well as a nice jewel toned shirt or white blouse or black dress or something. I love darker and more elegant styles rather than something that projects innocence and cuteness. Jewel tones make me feel as elegant as the girls in the pictures. They make me feel amazing.
• I don’t wear skirts as much. It’s impractical for me to wear them on a daily basis. I’d pick jeans over skirts, but I like going girly sometimes too. My skirts though aren’t short. They’re more structured. Some are flowy and in the fashion style, but then again, I pick those that suit me and my body. I follow the trends to some extent as I love the girly accessories…but then again, I incorporate that into my personal style. My outfits are usually not a soft white or cream blouse with a pastel pink skirt…but I love them nonetheless.

My style doesn’t match what most people deem as pretty or enchanting with the Korean wave. Then again…I realized that I could care less about that as it doesn’t mean that I’m not pretty to begin with.

I have my own style. I have my own taste. I have my own beauty.

And no one can tell me that I’m not beautiful when I’m proud of my own skin.

As I’m religious, I consider my body a gift from God and cherish it as much as possible. The best way I think I could do so is by making sure I take care of myself in the best way I can…and also, be proud of what I have in a way that makes me feel good and respectable.

So the next time I usually look at a picture of someone pretty or beautiful…I just think that. There’s a bit of envy…but then again…I also think that I’m not them. I can’t be them.

I am me. Beautiful me.

A smile graces my lips.

My day grows brighter.

And I love the moment.

Hope others can feel this brightness too, honestly.

‘Til next.

Allaynia

Goals.

2012 is upon us…and with a new year comes a resolution here and there.

In my case…I decided to have goals for the year. And not just one…but 3 goals for 2012, as they say that the best things come in threes.

They’re quite simple anyway. Two monetary and one more personal and emotional goal…

First is to be able to attain P104,000 in my bank account within the year. The magical number of P104,000 didn’t just come nowhere though. There’s a reason for it…though I don’t think that I’ll divulge it here as it’s something personal for me.

Second is to be able to stop buying new cosplay and lolita fashion or whatever within the year. My ultimate goal though is to stop doing so within 6 months. I’m not sure if this is doable…at least my ultimate goal…but then again, I’d like to work on getting my dreams…and hopefully, sometime soon so I can focus on other things.

Third is to love myself more within the year and really find my light.I’m not 100% sure how I’ll really see if this goal has been attained…but I guess that I’ll just have to see the year through to the end in order to really check. Though I want this to come to the point that whenever people see me…I won’t bring them down.

It’s not that I’d care too much about them…or let them care much about me…but given how last year went…I don’t want to hurt people anymore…and I want to make amends to those that I have hurt - at least…those who still matter to me and who I still matter to.

I just want peace now. Nothing but simple peace and happiness within myself as I bathe in my own light…

I wonder if I can attain these goals…

Only one way to find out.

Just keep on living.

‘Til next.

Allaynia

The owner of the Titanic said, “Not even God can sink this ship.” and we already know what happened. Marilyn Monroe said, “I do not need Jesus.” Three days later she was found dead. A mother told her daughter, “May God accompany you.” Ironically she replied, “In the trunk because he does not fit here.” On this trip there was an accident and everyone was killed and the trunk remained intact. If you are not ashamed of Jesus, reblog.

Reblogged from cutekawaiiness

What stuck to me most is the last part.

I just love God which is why I reblog…

‘Til next.

Allaynia

(Source: shortyyovoxo)

“When I get old and my daughter ask me who my first love was, I won’t look for an old picture album. I’ll be able to point to the other side of the room and say: He’s sitting right there.”

Reblogged from cutekawaiiness

cutekawaiiness:

Please let this come true.